marisa… Feeling The nature of Me…

Savage
Garden - I Knew I Loved You

Maybe it’s intuition
but some things you just don’t question
Like in your eyes, I see my future in an instant
And there it goes,
I think I found my best friend
I know that it might sound
more than a little crazy
but I believe…

I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life

There’s just no rhyme or reason
Only the sense of completion
And in your eyes, I see
the missing pieces I’m searching for
I think I’ve found my way home
I know that it might sound
more than a little crazy
but I believe…

I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life

A thousand angels dance around you
I am complete now that I’ve found you

I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life

I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life

(To Fade)

1. aku capek
2. aku bosen
3. aku males
4. aku insomnia
5. aku pengen nangis tapi ga bisa keluar air mata

tapi…

1. aku suka
2. aku pengen
3. aku sayang
4. aku cinta…
5. sebenarnya…. aku cinta ma klinik2ku… tapi nek lancar…. huhu… aku pengen bisa… huhu…. walaupun jenuh… walaupun buat aku tambah tidak terawat… tapi aku mau…. aku pengen segera menaklukkannya dan bisa jadi dokter gigi…. huhuhu… aku kudu bisa… walaupun harus bolak-balik jatuh… tapi jangan sering2 deh jatuhnya… sakit…. tapi itu akan membuatku kuat amien… God,PLEASE DO HELP ME….

Welcome To My Life




Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don’t belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna runaway?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming

No you don’t know what it’s like
When nothing feels all right
You don’t know what it’s like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you’re down
To feel like you’ve been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one’s there to save you
No you don’t know what it’s like
Welcome to my life

Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more?
Before your life is over
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you’re bleeding

No you don’t know what it’s like
When nothing feels all right
You don’t know what it’s like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you’re down
To feel like you’ve been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one’s there to save you
No you don’t know what it’s like
Welcome to my life

No one ever lied straight to your face
No one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I’m happy but I’m not gonna be okay
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
Never had to work it was always there
You don’t know what it’s like, what it’s like

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you’re down
To feel like you’ve been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one’s there to save you
No you don’t know what it’s like (what it’s like)

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you’re down
To feel like you’ve been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one’s there to save you
No you don’t know what it’s like
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life

                I found your smile beyond my imagination…. i’ve trapped in this place… so boring… but not that day… the day i found your smile…. made my heart pops again… eventhough thinking of you and me was just an imposibble relationship… i’m glad… just glad to see your smile… thinking of you made my day so bright… eventhough it was impossibble for us… and i dont know if you know my feeling… i have a crush on you…  maybe you will laught till heaven can hear your voice…. o… my dear God… i’m so afraid that this feeling will grow bigger and bigger…. so afraid that he’ll  find  my sily thought….  He’s just a simple man…., and i know… that we can only be a sibling…. i just wanna tell him… i like the way he smile…. so Narsist…but i miss it! 

My step through this time makes me wonder, I’m standing in this moment with a plain heart… all of memories have disappeared in a single moment… crashed and burnt… it has turned my world 180 degrees… keeping this tears and never let it flow again…. keeping this lonely inside the box… it called pandora box…. miseries box… but thanks GOD there’ s a hope inside the BOX… inside me….

I dont wanna life in the past, i ‘ve always haunted by the past…. i cant fulfill my promise… i’m so sorry to do that… but reality seems to be cruel and the destiny is not far from reality…..

I keep walk…. i dont wannabe the shadow… i just wannabe the sun….

Bulan puasa sebentar lagi…. ga pengen spt yang sudah2… pengennya ada kemenangan yang lebih baik.

Awal2 semester ini udah cukup buthek buat proposal ma nyari pasien…, skrg kudu buka lembaran baru lagi… dengan segala semangat yang kembali dikumpulkan.

pasien ortho dah di acc, pasien perio blum dikonsul, pasien konser nol putul…(Ya Allah kirim pasien untukku…do’a sesungguhnya dari mahasiswi FKG yang desperate setelah keliling kampung manyar sabrangan di sore hari dari ujung gang ke ujung bgt….hehe, at least aku udah berusaha… mungkin aku kudu njelajah lagi… mgkn Tuhan akan terketuk pintunya …. Oh Tuhanku…. aku kudu merubah nasibku sendiri…. tapi berikanlah petunjuk dan pertolonganmu… entah dari tangan-tanganMU yang mana….diriku harus tetap berusaha…)

rasa ngiri menyergap klo liat org2 yang pada udah kelar…. tapi setelah mikir lebih "dalem" lagi… mgkn aku kudu nikmatin aja deh waktu ini… terlalu banyak ngiri akan merusak segala sel2 dalam hatiku, buat diriku tak berdaya karena racun2 mimpi yang berlebihan… kemarin beli notes yang tagnya cukup menyindirku….

100 % action, 0 % talk….

menurutku harganya rada ga worth it tapi demi memompa semangat… dibeli aja terus tiap kali aku ngedumel ga jelas… tinggal liat tuh notes… hwa… hwa…. susahnya jadi org bodoh… yah2… org bodoh juga pengen pinter mangkane Allah menyenangi hambanya yang berpikir…

rasanya aku kudu terbang untuk bisa melewati segala ketertinggalan ini… tapi untuk apa aku menangisi sayap yang sudah patah?????? yang bisa aku lakukan adalah belajar berjalan…. karena tiada guna menangisi sayap yang patah…

jalan ini benar2 membuatku tak bisa menangis maupun tak bisa tertawa…. aku hanya bisa menelannya… aku harus bisa… bisa ga bisa harus bisa…. 

i cant see the future…. but i should do the best for today….

GOD……    

I didn’t know since when I was loosing my self confident to speak or
write in English. I used to be a person who brave and confident eventhough I’ve
got wrong in my prounounciation or my tenses… so today I decided to rebuild my
ability to speak and write in English…. And I’d like to increase my abilities….so
Let starts then about my story in past few days….   

This few days… I’ve got myself in misery, maybe this feeling came from
deep down my soul…. I tried not to get drowning in this feeling… pushing my
spirit to the positive acts… but this feeling won’t go away… actually this is
about my old story…. I wanna cry but my tears has already gone….. I couldn’t
describe how was my suffer deep down and I coudn’t share this pain to anyone
else…. It’s hurt and made my day worse…..

I am trying to forget my feeling right now….. so today after the
examination, I went to GM and watch a movie.  I decided to watch “TRANSFORMERS”, alone… I felt
weird….,but I ‘ve enjoyed myself lonely….but in the middle of the show, the
children on the back of my seat made a crowded situation… it was very annoying…
so far I still stand on the situation…. Cause this movie was very cool…. Actually
I didn’t interest to watch it but some of my friend who’s already watch,
recommend to see it. Yeah Steven Spielberg was a great movie director right?

 Actually I would like to ask my
friend to accompany me but I didn’t wanna bother any of my friend….because the
week of examination hasn’t finished yet….. I tried to overcome this feeling…. This
rubbish feeling…. I wanna heal myself…. I could face this feeling… this the
quote from this movie that I remember….

THERE’S NO VICTORY WITHOUT ANY SACRIFICE

I WILL DO MY BEST EFFORT TO GET MY SELFCONVIDENCE, I WILL REBUILT MY
FAITH…. NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES I’VE FALLEN DOWN, I WILL RISE AND STAND UP
AGAIN…..

Well that’s not as simple as I write… but I will keep my promise and find
myself to be an independent woman in the future

Amien….  

bloop….

practical magic

Entah knapa dalam pikiranku terlintas judul film ini…. film yang lumayan jadul… yang maen sandra bullock ma nicole kidman…. heym… andaikan yang namanya soulmate itu bisa direquest kayak difilm itu….. hu…. aku mau deh klo ada resepnya…. yah mentang2 Harry potter bakal diputar bulan depan…. jadi terkena sindrom yang berbau2 witch…. and tentunya magic….

bla…bla…..

akhir ini… aku jadi merasa makin aneh….makin ga jelas… ga bervisi, seneng seh udah ga ada tanggungan klinik semester ini…. jadi pulang ke rumah lebih awal… tapi apa yang terjadi… drama kebosenan pun berulang tiap hari…. kuliah-pulang-tidur-maen capsule(gamenya hp)-ngenet-tidur-kuliah…. mana belajarnya??????? padahal itu handout2 dah kususun sedemikian rupa hingga menarik untuk dibaca….tapi kok ga mlebu2…Stupid!!! hmmf…. rasanya cuman aku sendiri yang bsa mengerti…. rasanya juga ga bisa ngobrol lagi ama org lain… kok jadi serasa autis gini????? hmmm… ngedumel aja tiap hari…. bawaannya BT… ga bagus juga buat kesehatan…. disaat orang lain dah lari bermil2…. aku cuman lompat ditempat…. rasanya cuman dengan nulis di blog ini bisa ngomong ma org tanpa menyinggung perasaan…. lha mmg cuman dibaca saya sendiri atau seseorang seperti kamu yang juga lagi iseng2 ga ada kerjaan akhirnya nyasar ke blog ini…hwahwahwa….

            setelah kurang lebih dua bulan ikut yoga, rasanya badan lebih seger, walo diriku ttp chubby, tapi udah lumayan ga kliatan chubby2 banget… knapa ya jadi langsing itu susah amat…. hehe… padahal stress pas klinik, juga olahraga terus di kampus ( mondar-mandir)… Kapan aku langsing lagi???/ hehe… ga penting bgt seh postinganku ini…. ^_^

menemukan suatu kedamaian dalam suatu kegalauan, menemukan suatu kehangatan ketika dingin membalut ingatan, menemukan kerinduan yang lama tlah hilang….. menemukannya dalam khayal dan membawanya ke dunia nyata…. menemukannya terselip dalam kenangan….

kenangan biarlah tetap menjadi kenangan…..

aku tak ingin menemukannya…..

terlalu lelah, terlalu jemu……

biarlah sang kuasa menuntunnya untuk menemukanku….